|I weighed myself today.I realized I am now 270 pounds.I stood there on the scale and just staredand woke up.
(Hold up. Before you even think it, this is not a blog about weight-loss…but everything is everything and health and well-being is definitely a topic and theme that will come up in our dicussions on finding balance. ok, time in)
This is huge. Literally.
This is the heaviest I have ever been in my life. My friend Samantha said in reaction to the news “You are more than 100 pounds over your ideal weight for your height, it’s like you are carrying around an entire person everywhere.”
This is true. I have been carrying someone around for years.
The weight is my passenger. The Weight of it All.
This weight is the embodiment, the manifestation of stress, sadness, neglect, anger. That which I have avoided dealing with and distracted myself from.
Underneath it all, is me. The real me.
The real me has been buried under me, this exterior version of me.
So I want to chisel myself out from under all this, find myself spiritually, mentally, physically…literally…from under all this. It is time to part ways with my Passenger.
How many of you have a Passenger? Not necessarily excess body weight, but excess something of some manifestation in your life. The stress, sorrow, anger, frustration, inner demons, past, regret, denial, shame, grudges, uncharted memories…
This is Your passenger.
How does your passenger affect your life, carrying this person around with you, everyday, everywhere. Some passengers can be more obvious or visible than others, I think the person who sees it the least is almost always yourself.
In a upcoming blog entry continuing on this topic, I’ll enter a vulnerable place and openly share how my passenger has affected my life, how my passenger has lived my life for me, and how I have finally decided to start living my life.
My friend Jenn said to me, in regard to channeling my will and determination towards myself for a change, in order to make change: “Your will and determination is fuckin’ potent”
I share Jenn’s sentiment with you as well as with me. Let’s embrace our inner agent of change.